Your blinders are off and you will see things more clearly. If I find one I use it. ???? LOL and I would have too, if you know what I mean, I was that sick of being treated like a doormat. get over it, get on with it, put it behind us and lets sweep this unpleasantness under the rug) is all further victimisation and invalidating in every way possible. You have made me laugh in some of my darkest moments. It just wasnt normal. Yes first time I hurried that stuff up and guess what.
Sarah and Trying Hard TFW As long as it doesnt involve singling out other members and saying mean things, then people should be able to communicate freely. My impression of you has been that youre one of the nicest, most considerate, most rational people EVER to comment on this site. Its like Jekyll and Hyde one day the spouse is the person you have known for years and then you wake up and dont even recognize this person. My guess is he will go.
We have no control over others. Do not need the conflict. Oh hell no!! He chose me and our M. But it was a lie b/c 2wks later he wasnt sure. I recently told him that the A was one piece of the pain but kicking me to the curb (practically) is a pain even worse and deeper. When asked if she knew what direction her captors went after setting her free, she said, "I have no idea. SatoriMy story is crazy and I am in no way advocating or encouraging ANYONE to do the crazy things I did. No worries. Kudos to you. Response from the in laws though: SILENCE. I fortified that shit.
She just couldnt show any remorse over anything. I had nothing to work with. What the heck does FOO stand for?????? I helped him start a business and am co-owner in the same business that now employs quite a few people. Honestly I cant keep up. Its peace of mind for sure and as Ive had so little of that its a welcome change!
I try to find some humor in life wherever I can. As to would it happen again? A lot of dancing. I feared I could not keep it together. Its gong to be tough tough tough, but I am very determined. Losing parents is a primal and life altering experience as you have so eloquently if painfully described. He needs to chew on what is coming for a while. He is upset you are changing the insurance policy that he no longer has to pay for?? Your h may be playing a game but hes not very good at it. MLC is NOT just about having an affair. Narcissists Abandon their Families and Reinvent Themselves. Especially when both are crisis-linked. So now I stay out of it. When my DIL called me to tell me what shed found in the computer I was pissed and I let her know I was pissed at him and I let him know I was pissed at him. I have finally lost my desire and willingness to do this anymore. You dont support me Ambivalence hmmm. Oh, lest I forget, this was her response when I would ask her to put THAT blessed iPad down, along with Facebook (which I hate) because I have something I want to talk with her about. Im going to think on this all again tomorrow. He threatened me in a ridiculous way, but I kept silent, he finally said, I see you are not afraid of me.. I just cant even.
I will never excuse her actions towards me. They are in it for the salacious details. Im shopping about an hour away so I dont see anyone I know. It made my heart sink. Very similarly my H became someone I fid not recognize during the A. Love this: The true Warriors.
I know you dont have the answers A or no A his behavior is odd.
Any sort of character or integrity has disintegrated by the blinding infatuation of their affair. And youve gone NC for a couple days. Be forgiving of yourself and go outside and enjoy the simple things. But beneath the mask of a shy, vulnerable and good person something far more sinister lurks. Can he do this again?
And your H seems very concerned with HIS quality of life if you R. He doesnt seem as concerned about the quality of your M if you R.???????????????????????????????? The whole point of starting it was to maximise our family skill set, where we work to our strengths and complement each other. Thank you everyone for the boost. Pretty sure they are meant to go viral. They abandon because they are cowards. It is just not real their relationship is built on fluff and fantasy.
Move on! Now you know. At home I got on the computer that linked to his office computer. We go to MC whom we just saw 3 days ago where my H says he loves me. These women do not have other men in their livesthey have often just fallen out of love and nothing can change their mind. Put it this way, he seemed pretty happy up until the day I put him on that plane so if in his mind there were issues then he was just using me. Dont give him a chance to stomp off. Not really a mean person. One hour at a time if you need too. I was hardcore with him. Im glad you had a mantra. I need the honest answers. Then, she came to the house, and took the dog, (behind my back) who used to sit at my feet while I cried because she had abandoned the marriage. Thank you Puzzled for tuning in.
Doesnt have me controlling him or dominating him. She also started running to get in better shape (she has always hated running).
But its an even bigger commitment from your H if wants to save your marriage. I knew something was wrong for that year and half and tried everything in my power to find out what was wrong. You dont need to provide entertainment for them. You have to have a safe zone. I gladly walked in and the look on his face was unrecognizable to me.
Well today he gets a few hard limits that will really test his measure. Now what??? Im sure you are right with your prediction, but the revisionist history is what is upsetting the most and that would be a huge stumbling block to any future R.
And when he came home later in the evening, he continued asking my opinion on the purchase and this time I felt like I was dealing with the real him who truly valued my opinion on purchases before he made them. In fact Im thinking you are smart enough to figure out a way to use your MIL to your benefit. He wasnt 50 but he sure said the same things he said when he decided to have another at 56. I do believe if the proper research was done (and absolutely NONE has been done), there would be certain tell tale signs in the brain associated with MLC. I believe most things can be addressed and fixed but this is a little bizarre. Indeed lalalala blah blah!!! Satori must never comment or be critical of the way our family regards such things nor how it treats other people generally. She is a good person. He thought he had the power, but then I magically found mine, found out the truth and TA-DA!!
The non actions are the reason I am pressing forward with the paperwork. No in fact his lawyer is going to tell him just what he is going to face particularly if you have a bull dog lawyer with whom he/she is familiar and that you have a war chest. ???? BSA He has counted on you by his side and probably did not consider the effects on HIM of you not being there for him as a partner and wife. I didnt do that because I would have turned the damn engine on!!! You see if he went to MC he would have to fess up everything. It is an act of aggression, no question. In the email I asked her why shed do that to me.
Therefore he wont come back.
I love the topics they choose. Howard Kurtz, an influential media critic for The Washington Post and CNN-TV, and Fox News wrote that the runaway bride had become a "runaway television embarrassment", comparing the story to a TV soap opera.[2]. Wilbanks has inspired a "Runaway Bride" action figure and a hot sauce called "Jennifer's High Tailin' Hot Sauce". And no nothing about this is your fault. I challenged that empty flattery with Which begs the question why, since you already married me and if Im so amazing and hot (rolling my own eyes here at even the description of myself), why youre not at the head of the line, begging forgiveness and willing to do whatever it takes to be with me and save our M. He didnt have a response (red flag). Make peace with whoever let you down in the past. The reality is that you have to live with your choices, not us. Also, he doesnt seem to care that he lost me at all. Two things stick out for me. All they know is just a moment ago their life and marriage was great, but within an instant everything they knew and everything they had disappeared. And getting back the self-respect is the first step toward them reconnecting with us emotionally. In his mind every one of his actions are justified by him. He left. Hope youre doing ok. Im in a crisis mode with my personal life and marriage.
It is all a bunch of lies and justifications. So this is where his sense of identity is shaky. Get out of town. The All Time Classic aka The All Purpose Faux Confessional Cheaters Hall Pass: We were all pretty passive and made dependent on them. No matter how hard I tried, there was no stopping her.
Im guessing things arent as rosy for him as he hoed when he moved out. And this was all the harvest that I reaped Arent we still together?. H should be rocking in full of confidence and swagger now that he has a new woman and new life etc. Yes, the continued lying, cheating, protecting HIM is painful. Thanks so much for your kind words TheFirstWife. It started up again and went further underground for another 4 months. Really loathe to see him as a covert narcissist but he ticks a lot of the boxes if not always in the most extreme way.
I dont have it in me to go through this again. Yes, we are together. Keep up with the laughing part. Give your new therapist some time. Hope all is well. Satori. Not that anyone wishes bad on him, hes doing a good job of that himself. I told H many times he needs IC. Unfuckwithablewhen you are truly at peace and in touch with what and who you are that nothing anybody says or does bothers you and no negativity can touch you. Do not let him try to serve you anymore shit sandwiches. We all have times when we wonder if weve made the right career path and life choices. LOL. Ive been making a healing list with those sorts of affirmations and it is so helpful for those moments when you regress into the downward spiral of the what ifs. And so it goesHes done with our M. I can feel it. I want to comment on the choosing better next time thread. Id never heard of the A fog before but it makes total sense now Im living through his.
We live in Charleston, SC. Then for months everytime he muttered any sound in his sleep I would startle awake and feel all the pain wash over me again. Gotten tattoos Satori like Puzzled it was the full blame game. I was doing a damn good job. They must be passive (and therefore we are all aboard with passive-aggressive codependent living arrangements in our Ms) as long as the males needs gets met first and foremost and the females go along to get along regardless of what we do to them. More than that Im despairing. I love that you have removed yourself from the need to be perfectthat says a lot.
We are dried up old hags. OK so good, legally you are covered. Yes, blood is thicker than water.that is for sure. It was the two of us battling life together. It would create some serious havoc though. It was our 25th anniversary (during round 2 of A which I had no idea was going on). I still had not found EAJ. I had to show them how to love even when you are getting nothing in return. Seriously Trying Hard and Puzzled we just overlapped. What is it grandpa said, fish or cut bait? I pleaded, I begged he allow me to process this info and stay and talk about it. I said to him that since I had endured the ultimate disrespect from him, he now, out of actual respect for me going forward, needs to once and for all end it with this third party, since he has repeatedly said they are not together and she is not coming here nor is he going there (separate countries remember?) Im hoping thats the last thing she wanted to think about her son that he was having an affair and the havoc he was wreaking upon his life. One of my most profound memories is the time he took a Dale Carnegie class. | H stormed out twice, but I managed to pull him back with we have to do this, we have to talk about this and try and get on the same page.. He cannot change any life insurance beneficiaries b/c the policies are in my name and he is the insured. I still have to remember Know this.you are in no way responsible for your husbands choices. Thank you for the positive wishes and thoughts. You have to go through it, theres no way around it, and it sucks big time. But he kept coming around. Withdraw a very sizable amount of cash from our joint checking on that next business day after DDay. Things that had been completely reimagined and re-cast for todays convenience. TheFirstWIfe, Thank you for sharing your story. Live & learn and move on.
My name is plainly stated on my comment. I would be just fine. Sarah. The most glaring way is that the wayward spouse leaves the family home and cuts all ties with the betrayed spouse and the children. TryingHard, I think you are so right, underneath it all is fear.
The financial loss that H totally underestimated, once explained to him, completely vaporised his escape plan H didnt know what he didnt know. That is his mindset. I heard that too. Aaron Ben-Zev, Ph.D., former President of the University of Haifa, is a professor of philosophy. The past and their BS are simple casualties of their selfish egos. It was more like not allowing her in the group.
I felt it was inappropriate and said so. But, half the time, at the appointed time, she would bow out as she just didnt quite feel like it. H replies: You do. Do not plead your case to them anymore. Yet even these were negotiable in reality. It will not be an easy road.
n. Defn.
If H came back under those circumstances, I almost feel like I could trust him even less. Ah yeah the wordsalad that comes out of their mouths is astounding. It makes him more predictable and I can only compare that to the 2 weeks when I didnt know after he left on no notice and it was such agony trying to process why he was behaving in the apparently random way he was. Im absolutely sure H doesnt like any of the reality of his new quasi-single life. He wont like it. Now you can sit and wait a couple more weeks tho see if he wakes up or you go balls to the wall legally. [3] On June 2, 2005, Wilbanks pleaded no contest to this charge. I thought Id read that about Elizabeth Gilbert somewhere. Im sorry for your loss. Yoga and green tea and meditation are all options.
My CH decided that his plan would be to tell me at the end of the summer what he wanted to do. I didnt hit him with it but I destroyed his office. They have issues and they are self-medicating with an affair. Im sorry I didnt respond. PostedNovember 13, 2011 I hope your H at least has one sane rational person in his life. But hes feeling the discomfort of possible divorce.
Keep breathing and focus on you. (Note: he ticks every box on the Covert Narcissist list). I felt back to Square 1 in grief. Lets do it ourselves without lawyers, lets just let go gently and start again with our lives. Mine seems to be digging a hole to China! He walked out of the room and I followed him into the hallway where my rage suddenly hit me!! Dont let your h infidelity run everything you e worked so hard for. Yeah pretty sure that gave both him and his lawyer a very bad case of diarrhea. You can get really whipped by this societal notion that you are failing to move past something on everyone elses time frame.
Its code for bitch. I could not eat anything else. Eventually, he will come out of it and see what hes done. his family telling him trite crap like well son if youre not happy you need to move on because well Satori is such a bossy britches after all and we hate that our little prince charming isnt happy cause thats all we ever wanted bull shit. You can do so much better. UGH.
Lol my MIL was thrilled at my h and my impending divorce. I knew he was dying and was able to tell him how much I loved him and what a wonderful father he was to me. I love that TH. At the worst end of it, self harm. He was as blindsided by his feelings and A as I was. I do wonder if the PILs are encouraging R. Im a little edgy about R I dont know how it would go, he is so unstable as you say. I could not stop. They can help add to your happiness and love but it is not their responsibility. Finally, if you are or if you have been in this situation, I highly recommend getting professional help immediately and also reading Vikki Starks book Runaway Husbands. I brought assets into the marriage (H had none). Satori, hes not going to kill himself.
But none of this is for me to judge. I was working around the house on a project. Dont make yourself too available. I never ever thought I would be coping with this hellish situation. Yeah my h was that certain age where he was possibly feeling all that old age stuff. So yes.they are just in a totally different state of mind. What is that except cowardice and weakness? Baby steps.
Its a cowards move. That would drive me crazy. I didnt feel it in my heart. Honestly it feels unsurvivable but you guys are all proof that this terrible thing can be borne and offer the hope that R is possible. You dont have to have all the answers, right now. And I would give in.
Thats my greatest fear. Im thinking he doesnt have a lawyer yet? I have all my ducks in a row. Now you know why he behaves the way he does. I offered MC, gave a few examples of how good it could be to have a neutral person help us navigate some of these tricky areas.
Lol. He travelled extensively and he would come home to rooms painted (by me) or work done in house etc. Are there assets to be liquidated or is it all intellectual property? Mason countersued, claiming emotional distress from being left at the altar. So it is hard to understand HOW OR WHY your H would become unrecognizable and different from the person you knew and Loved and were married to. Um he was watching something on television or sleeping in his chair when I played WWF. Emails for legal purposes. Ive got people checking on me at all hours b/c they are so worried about me but you never even ask me how I am! My H tried to gain access well after he had left and the codes had all been changed so he isnt exactly short on entitlement / slippery ethics either. Hes getting his reality check and Im thinking he doesnt like it.
The pretending to move thing was a way of showing me he was detaching too, distancing. I truly think your h is scared and easily influenced by others. It really is just classic victim shifting bullshit. Business is a company. Most of all, you must not reach for the wine or the pills. Lots of emotions but hey-oh some great moments too.
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